This is a very long and a very complicated story that I can’t tell even my friends because they would just be bored in listening and I don’t wanna ruin their day because of this story.
Last month I broke up with my boyfriend because he hurted me just too much. Its not about another girl. Its just his words that hurted me so much. We’ve broke up many times already but that time I thought it would be the end of everything but Im wrong. 3 days have passed and we never communicated so I’ve decided to tell my friends that we broke up. Then 1 week later I told my family too. Many days have passed. Sometimes he would leave a long message on my facebook and I would still reply, but we never chatted live because we can’t catch each other online. I admit that I really feel happy whenever I see a message from him. Of course, I still love him. Everytime I receive a message from him, I end up crying in my bed until i fall asleep. No one knows. I just keep it to myself.
I don’t know what happened. He still tells me that he loves me. One day he caught me online and chatted me. I replied cause I can’t resist him :’( I am happy and sad at the same time. Im happy because it’s been quite a long time since we chatted live and I am sad because its painful but I keep pretending. He want’s to get back with me. I wanted too, but I feel like Im a fool if i did that. He hurt me many times already and I want him to realize and regret what he did to me. I don’t want to go back to him anymore but my actions say that I want to. Of course, if i don’t want to, then i won’t chat or reply to his messages anymore.. :’(
I just found myself chatting with him every night or every other night. The more I chatted with him, the more I express my true feelings of wanting him. I can’t help it. I still cry every night. I never wanted to break up with him, only if he didn’t hurt me so much. I feel his pain and regret, so I told him to fix things properly and personally, not in facebook, not in phone.
Everytime we chat online, he also chat with my mom. He told my mother that he still loves me and wants to get back with me. He always chat with my mom about everything in life. Until we got to the day where his birthday is already near. He said he wants to come here and see me. His wish is to get back with me :’( I want to see him too. I miss him so much.
To make it formal, he informed my mom that he would visit here and have a drink with me. Mom told him that he can visit here and drink with me but we should just stay friends :’( The ironic thing is, I am planning to get back with him when he come here but my mom and my aunt have done their moves :’( They said we are still young and they don’t want us to make mistakes. Im not that type of girl.
Even though we know that we can’t get back, he still came here with his purpose. We drank. We still talked, hugged and kissed like we do when we we’re together. I know I am a fool for letting him do so, but I also wanted it. In my mind, I want thigns to be happy for him for that day because after that day, I don’t know if its going to happen again. I want to make him happy even for the last day. I plan to end this and be friends with him that’s why I made him feel like when we’re still together even for the last day. He doesn’t know what’s on my mind. I can see in his eyes that he’s really happy. Maybe he thought that we are back again, but I haven’t say a word about it. But I know my actions shows like we’re back again. I know im going to hurt him again :’( I know it would be painful for him in the future when I leave him here that’s why I thought its better to hurt him now so he would have time to forget me and by the time Im leaving, it wouldn’t be painful for him and me already :’( Last night I’ve sent a message to him on facebook telling him about everything, that I just wanted to be friends by now :’( I don’t know if he would understand. Its really painful, especially when I know that I would hurt him. But is there anything else I can do? This love is something that I really want but people don’t want me to have.